New Jersey's governor came across as frank, impassioned, and utterly human during the hurricane, like a troubled action movie hero. So obviously, here is a fan fiction interpretation of his tweets.
Chris Christie and the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man wading through shark infested waters with a Marilyn Monroe Statue of Liberty being watched over by a Grumpy Cat cloud. Image made by @darth
Source: mlkshk.com
Throughout the hurricane, through his press conferences and his personally run Twitter feed, Chris Christie emerged as kind of a classic action movie hero — flawed, angered, and deeply human. He was a raw nerve of emotion, not afraid to bare his pain and anguish. In a bitter presidential election, it was inspiring to see a politician show a raw, genuine side of himself.
If Cory Booker is like Superman with his do-gooder “I’m here to shovel your walk, ma’am” Cub Scout sheen, then Christie is like Batman — brooding, weary, reluctant. He’s not the hero New Jersey wants. He’s the hero New Jersey deserves.
Here is my fan fiction interpretation of some of Chris's best tweets:
Chris Christie drops to his knees on the beach of Wildwood, NJ. His fists fall to his side. He yells to the heavens, “FUCK YOU GOD YOU FUCKING FUCK DON’T YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM? I WILL COME AND FUCK YOUR IN YOUR FUCKING FUCKHOLE YOU FUCKING FUCKER!” Chris’s shoulders shake as he weeps.
Cory Booker comes up behind him him, placing his hands on Chris’s shoulder. “Chris, it’s OK. Let it go. It’s just New Jersey. We can run for real office someday.”
Chris turns to Cory, his face turning the shade of red known previously only to the New Jersey Devils uniforms. “Booker, I’m going to count to five, and if you’re still here, then God help you because I will stick my foot so far up your asshole you’ll be shining my shoes while you’re brushing your teeth.”