It Came From Inside The Pants….
Recently, we heard from women who had tales to tell of being with a guy with a micropenis. We wanted to know what the other thing is like — what complications might arise. Here are True Tales of Enormous Penises:
My first boyfriend had a real big dong. I didn't know it was big because he was my first boyfriend and I hadn't watched porn really. I don't think he watched porn really (I know, I know), because he was a sensitive artist type, so I'm not sure he knew it was a big dong either. [Editor's note: I'm pretty sure even sensitive artist teenage boys have seen some porn.]
Anyway, we didn't understand that we needed to buy Magnum condoms and we broke condoms all the time and I remember thinking they should make condoms better. And he had trouble keeping the whole situation erect, maybe because we were always snapping condoms on it and because he was a sensitive artist type or because physiologically it took a lot of blood to do so.
I remember when I met subsequent penises thinking they were really small and then eventually realizing, no, they were just average.
—Anonymous (female, straight-ish)
I was a sophomore in college; he was a struggling actor. We met at a party and hooked up a few times. The first two times were normal, pretty good sex. His dick was massive, but I wasn't about to stroke his ego. The third time, I decided to be nice and tell him how big it was. He then asked if I could "handle the elephant's trunk" and then lightly started hitting my face back and forth with his dick, complete with elephant sound effects.
Poor guy, I think he thought he was being sexy. Oh, and I didn't see him again. I don't think I would be able to contain my laughter.
—Anonymous (female, straight)
I started seeing this guy after breaking off a five-year-long relationship. Things went slow for a while because we had so many friends in common, we wanted to make sure it would work out before jumping into a relationship and then having to call it off. Great, fantastic.
After some weeks of keeping it PG-13, we went to his house...aaaaand he couldn't get it up. Didn't think much of it or notice the size.
Some days later we tried again — he did get it up, but when he went to put it in, it was just…impossible. It was as if it were my first time all over again. I remember thinking of that SATC episode where Samantha really tries to make it work but the guy is just too big. We gave up.
But now I was intrigued. So we gave it a third shot. After a party where we both drank way too much, we ran to his place. He didn't have condoms so, as he told me later, he asked his friend for one as we were exiting the party. The borrowed condom turned out to be red. So when he put it on, I had no better idea than to yell, "OMG IT LOOKS LIKE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER."
He didn't think it was funny. Finally that time things worked and it was great.
We dated for a year. The whole time I kept asking him if he really — BUT LIKE REALLY, REALLY — had ever considered going into porn.
—Anonymous (female, straight)